I just completed my latest scientific study. The paper will be published soon in a bunch of different journals once the peer reviewers can get over how mind-blowing my findings are. Those findings, you ask?
Tobes with headband = beast. Tobes without headband = just pretty good.
The scientific community was not ready for groundbreaking research like this. I am currently being suppressed by about ten different scientists who are afraid that my innate talent for doing science will send them to the unemployment line. But science cannot be silenced and the truth wants to be free. And the truth is that Tobey Bear should wear an extra-wide headband at all times to make sure that he’s beasting as hard as possible.
In Milwaukee he wore no headband and was held down by Scott Skiles. In Orlando he wore no headband, and, while he was a very good player there, he could have been a lot better if he had simply wreathed his head with a band of absorbent cloth. In Detroit, he started wearing the headband from game one and immediately became the Pistons’ most consistent scorer.
Don’t get jealous or anything but the government just gave me a big old grant to study the effect of headbands on sports athletes. Seven digit number baby. Real recognize real.