After tonight’s spirited performance by Dënniß ßchrööder, there can be no doubt: he needs a team of his own, a team where he can be the #1 point guard option. I’m not an expert on cap space and trade mechanics and all that CBA crap, but I AM an expert on the game of basketball (do not dispute this), so I’ve come up with a few destinations that he should be considering first and foremost:
Milwaukee Bucks – Giannis might be the point guard in that he gets to handle the ball all the time, but Milwaukee still needs a competent point-guard sized player to guard the opposing point guard. This may not be the best fit though, since I am not totally convinced that ßchrööder isn’t just a slightly better MCW (slam that dislike button all you want, I don’t care).
Phoenix Suns – If they want to abandon their tanking plan early, they could plug ßchrööder in next to Eric Bledsoe and try to win 45 games like they used to. Brandon Knight would have to be told to screw off, which is okay, because he’s been told to screw off a bunch of times before now and he’s used to it.
Boston Celtics – Teams with midgets running the show are doomed to be nothing but first-round exits. Solution: replace the midget with a tall German adonis.
Atlanta Hawks – Wait.
Los Angeles Clippers – Something is obviously wrong in Clipperland. Rather than do the role-player shuffle again this offseason, why not target a replacement for one of the constants in their years of almost-but-not-quite playoff performances in Chris Paul?
These are just a few ideas. Remember, Dënniß, that by reading this description, you implicitly agreed to my Terms of Service, and one of the provisions of said document states that if you end up going to any of these teams you have to pay me $15,000.