OFFICIAL GIANNIS DATING TIPS POWER RANKINGS
1. Drink lots of smoothies before, during, and after the date. If you don’t you’ll just be nervous the entire time.
2. If possible, date someone who can make you smoothies. Even better if they know what your preferred smoothie flavors are (strawberry banana in case you were wondering). Under no circumstances ever date somebody who dislikes smoothies.
3. Compliment the girl on her appearance. If you can’t do it earnestly you picked the wrong girl to date.
4. Heed the advice of friends who have had more success with women than yourself, but don’t blindly follow it. If they tell you to send the girl photos of what resides in your pants, don’t do it. However, if you are advised to send the girl a flirty text message with flirty emojis in it, that is advice that should be followed.
5. If the girl agreed to go on a date with you, she likes you at least a little bit. Keep this in mind.
6. Do not think lewd thoughts about the girl whilst on a date with her you sick pervert. She is as pure as the newly fallen snow. Do not taint her with your perversity.
7. The movie theater is a perfect location for a first date. Pick a movie that will make a girl cry. If a girl cries during a movie that means she enjoyed it. If she didn’t cry during the sad part like she was supposed to, say you have to go to the bathroom and then run out to your car and drive away. Then ignore any texts or calls you might get from her.
8. Under no circumstances ever, EVER, take a girl to see a scary movie. Girls don’t like scary movies.
9. If you are a female and thought this list was going to be tips on how you can get Giannis to be your boyfriend, please leave now. You don’t even get to watch the dunkilation.
10. Figure out what Snapchat is and see if it can be used to your advantage.
11. It’s not the 1950’s anymore. You can hold hands on the first date if you really want to. Make sure your hands aren’t sweaty. Smoothies will help eliminate excess perspiration. If you wimp out and don’t manage to hold her hand, it can still work out if you’re awkward about it in a cute way.
12. If you are a basketball player, you can ask out any girl and she will say yes, even if she already has a boyfriend. This would be higher on the list except that it only applies to basketball players. Everybody else has to fend for themselves while also competing against basketball players.
[POWER GAP]
9001. Be yourself man. It’s easy.
9002. Just be yourself bro.