When Jonathon Simmons was led, blindfolded, to a secret subterranean dungeon underneath the AT&T Center, he was fairly sure that he had been kidnapped by terrorists, even when the man leading him repeatedly stated that he was one of the assistant coaches.
But then, the blindfold was taken off. In the dimness of the torchlit chamber, Jonathon could see Gregg Popovich standing at some kind of altar, wearing a black robe fringed with deep purple. To the side stood a player Jonathon recognized as Kevin Martin, who was looking just as confused as Jonathan felt.
“Coach, what’s going on here? This Martin dude’s not even on our team,” Jonathon asked as he heard the heavy stone door behind him grind shut.
Gregg seemed to ignore this question. Instead, he blandly intoned, “now is the time for the waiving ritual.”
Now it made sense to Jonathan. He was getting waived to make room for Kevin Martin. The Spurs were making a push to add enough firepower to possibly beat the Warriors.
At least that part was logical. Jonathan had been half-expecting this day for weeks now. But why were they in a dungeon? And why was his coaching pulling a large, leather-bound tome out of some unseen crevice in the wall?
“The codex of the waived,” Gregg announced, heavily setting down the book onto the altar. “The incantations described in this occult tome will guarantee that when Jonathan returns to us next season, his basketball skills will allow him to be a true contributor on a high-seeded playoff team.”
There was a murmuring of assent from an invisible gallery of team staff standing in the pitch-black shadows.
Before Jonathon could protest or register his bewilderment, he was grabbed from behind and tied with rough rope to the altar. Kevin was tied next to him. “Yo Coach, I’m not sure if I’m down with this,” he said nervously.
Again, his words were ignored. Gregg paged through the book until he came to the page he sought, then began to read some words in a language that Jonathon guessed to be Latin.
In response to these utterances, the walls of the dungeon began to quake, and Jonathon could feel dislodged dust falling onto his face. A purple light began to glow from all around, and as his panic increased, Jonathon noticed odd sensations traveling across his body. What was happening?
Then, a sudden wave of something that was not quite pain struck him, and he passed out.
—
When he came back to reality, Jonathon was sitting on the curb outside the AT&T center. Next to him was a duffel bag containing everything that had been in his locker. He looked at it, shrugged, and sighed, “I guess I’ll wait for their call in the summer.” Standing up slowly, still feeling some soreness from that weird ritual, he picked up the bag and started walking to his car.