“Dear DTB,
I would greatly appreciate it if you could refrain from insulting my weight in your video descriptions this season. I know I have not had much on-court impact yet, but my recent nineteen-point game deserves respect, respect that is erased when you repeatedly demean me for my alleged fatness.
I am not fat. A fat man would not score fifteen points in one quarter. You and I both know this.
My lawyer has additionally informed me that your disturbing practice of posting my letters to you in full on your YouTube channel is entirely illegal. If it happens one more time, perhaps even with this letter that I am currently penning, you can expect to be contacted by him in short order. I may be entitled to damages due to your slanderous internet postings. This is not a threat; I am merely repeating what my lawyer has informed me of.
However, do not think that you and I are enemies. We are friends, despite your apparent disdain for my admittely flabby arms. Since we have a strong partnership between us, I humbly request that you make a highlight video for my nineteen-point game. I hit some very deep threes and was arguably the most important player on my team.
To reiterate, I am not fat. I do not even eat cheeseburgers all that often.
Sincerely,
-Jared Dudley”