“I finally did it,” I whisper into the serene silence of the room of my house where all my highlight mastery takes place. “All these years, toiling, slaving, it has all culminated in this one moment.” I close my eyes and savor the feeling of success, the feeling of ultimate triumph.
My cat, Japurri Purrker, pads over and looks at me inquisitively. It is plain that he doesn’t understand why his owner is so pleased. I feel like I have to tell him, since there should never be any secrets between a man and his cat. “It’s a career high, Japurri, but not for a player…no, the career high is for me.”
Japurri still doesn’t understand. Sometimes his little kitty brain can be dumb. “A career high in videos featuring players with the last name Harris, two in one day!” I explain further. Putting the accomplishment into words makes it seem more concrete, somehow, and I feel the urge to celebrate. As I reach into the nearby mini-fridge to retrieve some Philly Cheesesteak-flavor Hot Pockets and a refreshing bottle of Mike’s Hard Raspberry Lemonade, I notice that Japurri is still staring at me. This time, his eyes are filled with comprehension, but also sad concern.
My mood deflates slightly as a realize the source of my cat’s sadness. At points in the past few seasons, there have been as many as four Harrises in the league at one time, remembering as I now am the short career of Mike Harris and the almost inconsequential career of Elias Harris, not to mention Manny Harris and Terrel Harris. I know deep down that none of those players ever scored enough points to warrant a highlight video, or in the case of Elias, any points at all, but it stings to know that this accomplishment could be that much greater.
The thought of making four Harris videos in one day is tantalizing, but for now, two is enough. I pop open the alcoholic lemonade and down half of it in a series of glugs. Then, seeing how jealous Japurri has become, I pour the rest of it on his fur before he can protest. He looks reproachfully at me for a moment, then experimentally sniffs his fur; soon, he is licking the lemonade off his body, and he joins me in my Bacchic celebration.