I know I’m not seeing things. I know I’m not making stuff up. These are real facts coming straight to you courtesy of DTB: Nene is skinnier right now than at any point during his time with the Wizards. Way skinnier. He looks CUT. He looks BUILT. He looks RIPPED. He looks SWOLE. He looks all those things and more.
It’s strange that he would show up to the Rockets so in-shape considering he’s 34 years old and unlikely to get a huge new contract even if he plays well this year (which he is). Maybe it wasn’t about the money, but actually about his knees, which probably were creaking under the weight of the extra blubber that he’s been accumulating since he entered his thirties.
Looking at him is legit a little bit disconcerting to me. He almost looks like he contracted cholera or something with how thin he got. It’s like when Kevin Love entered one offseason looking like a beached whale covered in Elmer’s glue and came into the next season looking like he had been doing full-body cleanses in the middle of the Australian outback for three months. I don’t like it. I want tubby Nene back.
I tried to look up information about Nene’s weight loss, but when I saw a headline about bikini pics, I knew it was the wrong Nene. I think. You never know with Brazilian, and I didn’t actually click on the link because I didn’t want to see something that would traumatize me. Somebody else can try it and report back.