In a previous description I forgave the people of the Czech Republic (or Czechia for you sticklers out there) for Jan Vesely, on account of how good Tomas Satoransky was doing. Satoransky is still doing good, but I hereby RETRACT my forgiveness. It was given in haste, without due consideration of the magnitude of Vesely’s bustiness. The Czech Republic will have to do a lot more to make up for that colossal disappointment:
1. Send Vesely’s draft-day girlfriend to the USA for one (1) make-out sesh with DownToBuck. Additional forgiveness can be gained with the offering of additional make-out seshes.
2. Tell the city of Prague to stop being so smelly.
3. Furnish the video of Satoransky scoring a career-high 19 points with 10,000 Czech views.
4. Somehow get George Zidek back in the league to prove that he is not a bust anymore (Having Vesely do the same is not sufficient).
5. Barring that, secure an NBA contract for another Czech player. Maybe Vojtech Hruban?
6. That is such a cool name.
7. Accept fully your correct and factual designation of “Eastern European”.
Those are my terms. Until those terms are met, I cannot forgive the Czechs or the government for supplying the NBA with such a horrible bust. I do not care how well he is playing in Europe right now; everyone knows that doesn’t count. See: Ekpe Udoh.