Bam “Viva La Bam” Adebayo is making Hassan Whiteside obsolete, right before our teal-and-pink-dazzled eyes. Whiteside was a great story, but he’s not as jumpy as he used to be. Meanwhile, Adebayo frickin’ looks EXACTLY like rookie-year Dwight Howard, like they were both results of some sort of government cloning experiment and Adebayo simply got incubated in his mechano-womb for a couple years longer so therefore should be even BETTER than his genetic twin. Better, and doesn’t have nearly as many illegitimate children.
Adebayo has also made Jordan Mickey obsolete, but I’m also wondering if that dude was maybe already obsolete the second he stepped foot in the league, so I’m not gonna give Adebayo all the credit on that one. Also: he has definitely not made Kelly Olynyk obsolete, and won’t until he proves he can shoot the three-ball and grow a really horrible transparent pube-beard.
You may be wondering why I think Whiteside is obsolete when he actually outscored and outrebounded Adebayo in this game. I’ll tell you why: I don’t think he has any good dunks this year at all, not even one legit posterizing slam, while Adebayo already has a bunch and added two more in this game. Posterizing slams are the best way of determining relative bigman value in my opinion; Jarrett Allen is already the best big in the league.