Who knew that being an Instagram model was so hard? The way those ladies portray it, it seems like the easiest thing in the world. It’s not. That’s as big of a lie as their tits.
As you know, DownToBuck doesn’t really pull in the bucks with this whole YouTube highlight empire. And I thought to myself, why not extend my brand in other directions while making a few extra dollars? Enter Instagram. Those chicks are making tons of money on that platform without even having to do anything but cover themselves in baby oil and wear bikinis. Why couldn’t I do that?
So I did. I went out and I did it. Don’t say I don’t ever do anything, because I totally did this time. I made an Instagram account, not using this name, because I chickened out right at the end, but using a different, sexier name. I basically crafted the sexiest male name in the history of everything for this venture. I can tell one of the names: “Storm”. Oh yeah. And the other name was sorta phallic. Don’t even try looking it up, though, I deleted every trace of it (including the associated Twitter account) because it didn’t really work out as well as I had planned. At all.
Yeah, I tried, and I failed. I made the account, and uploaded some pics of me looking really sexy. Rugged and sexy. My lubed-up man-ass was on full display, people, I think you could even see a bit of my butthole out the side of the G-string. No lie. And it’s not like this was an amateur-level picture either. I got my friend who’s really good with cameras to take a whole bunch of them for free, I could tell he was weirded out but he didn’t say anything. Bro code, you know.
So I’ve got my account, primed and ready to go, and I’m sitting here waiting for the followers, I’m sitting at 0 for quite a bit of time, and then I get one, and guess who it is? My mom. I have no idea, none, how she not only found out about this, but how she found out about FIRST, before ANYONE ELSE. I know for a fact she can barely use Facebook, I don’t know how the hell she figured out Instagram, but she did, and then she left a nice comment about how good my shaved (normally that thing has like a carpet on it) ass looked.
I just about died of shame right then and there, friends. I mean, she wasn’t wrong, objectively it was a nice looking ass (if I do say so myself), and given time I bet I would have garnered tons of followers and views with it, but I had to go and delete the whole account. I think she was just trying to make me feel better for not getting any impressions or whatever fancy term they use for people looking at your pics, but I didn’t have a choice.
I think I’m gonna give it a little time and then try again. I think my body has potential. It’s not like this failed because I’m not sexy enough. Does anyone know anything about VPNs?