Big congratulations to Bobby Portis for not only demolishing his career-high by scoring 38 points against Joel Embaby and the 76ers, but also setting a new career-low in teammates punched, with 0.
That’s right: he went the whole game, the WHOLE GAME, without ever turning to a fellow Bull, saying “I’m going to punch you in the face right now”, and then following through on his promise by decking them square in the mouth. It got tense more than a few times, like when he kicked Zach LaVine in the chest and then looked to follow with a devastating uppercut but held back, or when he one-two punched Trevor Booker after getting a technical called on him and looked around for a teammate to add to the carnage, or when he celebratorily shoved David Nwaba in the face after a made basket (shoves are not punches), or when he went into the locker room at half time, walked right up to Lauri Markkanen, and took a huge swing at his curly-haired head but missed by a few inches. Yes, it was close, but he managed it. A whole regulation NBA game without a single teammate tasting the fury of his fists.
He did punch a few of them right after the buzzer sounded, but those don’t count.
These 38 points almost seem like an afterthought after that impressive display of restraint. They deserve a few words of their own, though: six threes, does that sound good? Heck yeah it does. Six threes and a whole bunch of other buckets, but not the biggest one of all: the missed game-winner. I’m going to chalk it up to tanking, because it looked like a shot he could’ve made. A 40-burger would’ve been nice, but this loss is even nicer. Eyes on the prize, people.