March 2018 – Page 5

Dennis Smith Jr. 19 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (3/27/2018)

Thanks to the demise of my trusty microwave, which may or may not have had illegal modifications made to it in order to improve its cooking time, it has now been approximately 42 hours since I have had a Pop-Tart. I know that they can be eaten cold, but I’m not a caveman here. I…

Jrue Holiday Triple Double 21 Pts/11 Rebs/11 Asts/2 Blks Full Highlights (3/27/2018)

Jrue Holiday did a lot of great stuff tonight, accumulating enough units for what is commonly known as a “triple-double”, which seems to be some sort of statistical feat. I can’t figure out the exact specifics, but everyone seems to think they’re really good, so I’ll roll with it. But the best part of his…

Lauri Markkanen 22 Points Full Highlights (3/27/2018)

Lauri “White Kevin Durant” Markkanen scored 14 straight points for the Bulls to (almost) start the game. With James Harden out for the Rockets, would the Bulls pull off the upset? Spoiler alert: they wouldn’t. The game became a laughable blowout very quickly, but it would’ve been even quicker if Markkanen didn’t dominate smaller Houston…

Skal Labissiere 19 Points Full Highlights (3/27/2018)

Skal Labissiere hasn’t had many games like this this season. I thought it would all come together for him, after seeing what he did at the end of his rookie year, but it hasn’t. Not to the extent I, and presumably all Kings fans, wanted. He’s been pretty decent for the last month or so,…

Jusuf Nurkic 21 Points/4 Blocks Full Highlights (3/27/2018)

Jusuf Nurkic status: playoffs. Nikola Jokic status: not playoffs. Whoa. Does this mean anything? I am tempted to say it does, because I know the audience for this video will include a portion of Nurkic-only fans, but I don’t think it does. At most, it says that Nurkic has Damian Lillard on his team and…

Nikola Jokic 29 Points/8 Assists Full Highlights (3/27/2018)

I sacrificed majorly to bring you this vid. The Bucks are playing RIGHT NOW, literally right now, I’m wondering why Shabazz Muhammad is such a chucker at this very moment but I also have to make highlight vids. The NBA really screws me over with these late-starting Bucks games. It’s not like I even enjoy…

Taj Gibson 18 Points Full Highlights (3/26/2018)

Taj sat in his empty apartment at two in the morning. His sleep had been restless, so he had gotten up to calm his thoughts. However, it became clear after another hour of wakefulness that sleep would not be coming to him again that night. The emotions within him were too poignant, too acute to…

Dario Saric 20 Points Full Highlights (3/26/2018)

I could have tried to cash in on the hype surrounding Markelle Fultz by making a highlight video of his 10 point, 8 assist performance, but I have standards and integrity so I didn’t. It might not appear like I have standards, but I definitely do (especially when it comes to first-overall draft choices), and…

Jayson Tatum 23 Points Full Highlights (3/26/2018)

Third overall pick Jayson Tatum went up against fourth overall pick Josh Jackson last night, and I guess there were probably some people who were looking forward to an intense head-to-head matchup (I personally don’t care about player vs. player battles), but the results weren’t as conclusive as I would have liked, because both players…

Josh Jackson 23 Points Full Highlights (3/26/2018)

OFFICIAL PLAYERS WHO SHOOT LESS THAN THIRTY PERCENT FROM THREE WHILE TAKING TWO OR MORE THREES PER GAME POWER RANKINGS: 1. Russell “Chucksell Statpadbrook” Westbrook (29.5%) 2. Norman “Regression” Powell (29.4%) 3. Isaiah “Rejected by LeBron” Thomas (29.3%) 4. Dennis “The Bohemian Bricklayer” Schroder (29.0%) 5. Joe “Washed” Johnson (28.6%) 6. Stanley “He Plays Good…