My burning, irrational hatred for Marcus Smart does not allow me to acknowledge when he has a good game. Instead, I am compelled to point out his deficiencies: how he had the same amount of assists as turnovers (3), how he chucked ten three-pointers despite being one of the worst high-volume three-point shooters in the league, how he punched a picture frame, all these things I have to include here or I would be failing in my duty as a Marcus Smart hater.
One thing I hope more than anything is that Marcus Smart was not the singular player who locked up Ben Simmons and held him to just one point. I hope it was a team effort in shutting down his scoring game, and I will preserve my hope by refusing to watch any replays of Simmons’ futility. If I had to live in a world where Marcus Smart not only scored nineteen points on relatively efficient shooting, but also single-handedly locked down the Sixers’ second-best player, I would immediately begin making arrangements for Elon Musk to take me to Mars. Because that is a world where I would not want to remain. As long as Elon lets me use all the available cargo space on the spaceship to ensure that Mars is well-stocked with a variety of Hot Pocket and Pop-Tart flavors.