As has become tradition (doing something twice means it counts as a tradition), DTB will provide commentary on selected dunks this month instead of typing out a whole long story that taxes the reading ability of YouTube users to its absolute limit. It also taxes my “coherent storytelling” ability to its absolute limit. A description like this taxes nobody to anybody’s limit. Let’s get started!
0:03 – Uh, I don’t think that’s Durant. But what do I know?
0:06 – I just have this hunch that this is not the last time Jarrett Allen’s fro will get dented in this video.
0:17 – The Giannis Stopper becomes THE GIANNIS KILLER.
0:24 – “Long” LeBron? We have very clear video evidence from the 2015 NBA finals that he is anything but long.
1:09 – A putback so filthy that they had to trade Oubre just to get his filth away from the franchise.
1:14 – The phrase “with some anger” does an inadequate job of describing how much pure rage was contained within this dunk. It looked like Monk wanted to rip the net off the rim with his bare hands.
1:22 – Quick Quiz: who is getting dunked on here? Hard mode: don’t look up the Kings’ roster. Hardest mode: don’t read the name on the jersey.
1:35 – I don’t know what “bringing the smoke” means. Is that a weed reference?
1:51 – The only documented case of Czech-on-Georgian violence, not only in NBA history, but in world history. Send this to the Smithsonian.
1:59 – What are they calling Dennis Smith here? “Stevie Smith”? “Speedy Smith”? “Finney-Smith”?
2:10 – The Lakers’ broadcast is unnaturally focused on what LeBron thinks about everything. If he’s on the bench and somebody on the Lakers scores, there’s like a 50/50 chance that they immediately cut to a close up of LeBron’s face.
2:17 – Watch John Wall on the bench. He doesn’t want to react to Beal’s dunk but realizes that it was so sick that he’s obligated to show some kind of appreciation for it. That’s because John Wall and Bradley Beal hate each other and they regularly punch each other out in the locker room before games.
2:23 – Sick slam and a nice pirouette to go with it, but Jerami, man, you gotta stick the landing.
3:07 – This totally looks like it’s going to be a weak hook shot, but then Allen just reaches over and packs it on the rookie.
3:12 – “He’s certainly putting up the individual numbers” is either a creative way of saying “KAT’s inability to play team defense is costing us this game” or a creative way of saying “all of the Wolves outside of KAT have been straight up booty trash”.
3:22 – Expected a choreographed somersault with Thompson and Bradley; disappointed in the outcome. Klay was also disappointed that the back of head has a big stinky skidmark on it.
3:52 – Derrick Jones Jr. gets so high up that I’m afraid for his skinny chicken legs every time he lands.
4:03 – Why did the camera pan up as soon as Knox went up for the dunk? How high up did the cameraman think Knox was gonna go?
4:16 – The Suns have no problem with letting this filth propagate through their franchise.
4:45 – This dunk was so powerful that it ended up with a foursome white boy pile: Doncic, Jerebko, and two camera dudes. Do not google “foursome white boy pile” unless you have safe search turned on.
4:58 – WOW! TWO WHOLE POINTS!
5:29 – Currently very upset that only one of four Adebayo dunks was called a “Bam Slam”. Seeing Vucevic crawl around on the floor like a toddler in a baby race after he got smushed on does make me feel a bit better, though.
5:47 – Westbrook wisely scooting out of the way.
6:03 – Stumbling backwards and falling on your ass has to be the most embarrassing way to get posterized.
6:51 – There should be a certain level of dunkage past which taunting is no longer a technical foul.
7:01 – I honestly think that if Hezonja had dared to to walk completely over Giannis, we would be talking about how his scrotum-reattachment surgery was going to keep him out for two months.
7:44 – I don’t know what the “Peach Jam” is. Is it like Space Jam? Is that the name of the Space Jam sequel with LeBron in it?
8:09 – Doug Christie is a bit of a loonball, but sometimes he has something funny to say.
8:39 – Can’t the Wizards commentators just get a little bit more excited when somebody on their team rubs their crotch all over another guy’s nipples? Wait, that came out wrong. But I’m leaving it.
8:48 – Remember when Nancy Kerrigan got hit with a billy club and tearfully explained that she had been hit with something “long, black, and hard”? I think Serge Ibaka just got with something that was long, black, and hard. Man, I’m on a roll with these sus comments. WHHHYYYYyyyYYYYYyyyYY?
9:16 – You would totally believe me if I told you that this dunk was the only shot that Solomon Hill made all month. Why don’t you go double-check basketball-reference to make sure.
9:26 – The best part of this dunk is that it wasn’t ruined by the insufferable commentary of Jeff “Skinflute” Wade.