In the first quarter of this game, after Reggie “Ock and Bull Torture” Bullock had scored eight quick points, it was mentioned by the commentators that Bullock is prone to hot starts that cool off after the first quarter. So I decided to do some fact-checking.
Yeah, I know. DTB and fact-checking. Hilarious pairing, right? A real knee-slapper. I can hear you snickering through your computer monitor but what you don’t realize is that I can also slap you through your computer monitor. With words. So stop laughing at my earnest attempts to provide real facts on my channel instead of the fake, made-up facts that I usually supply.
It turns out that Bullock has indeed made more shots in first quarters than he has made in any of the other quarters. That indicates to me that even when he starts off hot, his teammates stop looking for him after a certain point, or Bullock himself gets tired and can’t get open for shots as easily. I have some advice for him to keep the scoring going through the entire game:
-Drink Gatorade at halftime and eat maybe a handful of cashews. I bet that would help. It sounds like it would help anyway. Cashews are probably nutritious.
-Tell Dwane Casey to tell his players to pass you the damn ball.
-Remind your teammates that the modern NBA requires shooting.
-Chop off the weird hair art, it’s probably getting in the way Elfrid Payton style.
-Coast through the first three quarters so you can go off in the fourth and everybody thinks you’re a hero even though you were dogging it for three-fourths of the game.
-When you get to the bench, wrap warm towels around all your limbs like a mummy in order to keep your muscles loose.
-Don’t change anything because nobody will ever care about you as a player no matter how evenly-distributed your points are across quarters.