Unfortunately, I wasn’t actually watching the conclusion of this game live. I had no reason to think the Pistons would squander their lead, and the Pistons themselves are at the very bottom of teams I want to waste my time watching, so, while I regret missing Buddy Hield’s heroics, I don’t exactly regret missing the rest of the game.
However, my 12-foot-tall 3D-printed purple plastic statue of Buddy Hield (who is very naked all the time and has never shown any inclination towards the wearing of garments) was watching this one live. He’s always had a particular affinity for the NBA player on whom his design was based, but until about a week ago he never showed any desire to actually watch the NBA games that the real-life Buddy Hield was playing in. He’s really smart for being a 3D-printed statue, and he already knew how to watch YouTube on his own, so I guess it was only a matter of time before he figured out how to watch NBA games.
I knew something exciting happened when I heard Buddy (the statue, not the real person) clapping and making excited vocalizations. When I ran over to look at the TV I saw Buddy (the real person, not the statue) running down the tunnel and to the locker room, so I surmised that he had just hit the game winner.
Buddy the statue was being a little bit too loud, so, while I didn’t want to dampen his happiness, I had to remind him to be quiet. Remember, this statue is responsible for the murder of six total people, including five in one night during the so-called “Zoo Massacre” (the media’s choice of words, not mine). Extreme care has to be taken not to draw attention to his existence, which means that he can’t make too much noise. If one of my neighbors heard, they might call the police to report a noise disturbance, and police interaction is the last thing I want at this point.
Now it’s an hour later and Buddy is still all restless. When he saw that Buddy was going to be the first highlight video I made tonight, he actually high-fived me. That might not seem like a big deal but high-fives are the kind of nuanced human interaction that you wouldn’t expect statues to be able to understand. It just proves that Buddy is actually more humanlike than some of the so-called humans that I have to interact with in my day-to-day life. I think if everybody was more like my statue, the world would really be a better place. He’s my best friend.