“Dear Diary,
Today all my big men were injured. Well, it wasn’t quite all of them, but it might as well have been, because the only two I had available to play were Quincy Acy, a man who was hastily signed and seems to be enamored with his three-point shot, and Dragan Bender, who is quite a fine young man but is tragically inept on the basketball court, and is also enamored with his three-point shot.
This season has been rough on young Bender. Deandre Ayton has utterly outclassed him in every possible way, and even the little-known Richaun Holmes has proved to be much more effective than Bender. Ryan Anderson, who is apparently an old and decrepit man now, may be better than Bender as well. Bender’s inability outplay Anderson, who has declined more rapidly than anyone could have predicted, does not bode well for him. I am forced to bench both men for extended periods, just for the sake of our fans. They do not expect wins, but they do expect entertainment, and that is something that neither Bender nor Anderson is likely to provide them. It would be more entertaining to go to one of the many bathrooms in the arena and contemplate the urinal cakes for two hours. That is what I myself wish to occupy my time with when I am forced to insert either one of those men into a game.
Even with full knowledge of Bender’s on-court inadequacy, I had no choice but to play him a significant amount of the game and pray that Karl-Anthony Towns did not reduce him to tears. To my surprise, Bender rose up to the occasion as much as he was able, scoring twelve points. His three-point shot, a facet of his game that my predecessor laughingly referred to as his “bread and butter” when we conversed, was predictably unreliable, but he did some things out there that caused my eyes to widen with surprise.
In fact, Bender played so far above my expectations for him that I have decided to give him at least two minutes in our next game, which is also against the team from Minnesota, in hopes that he will replicate his success. Either that, or the Towns fellow will make him cry. That is always my fear with Bender. That the young Croatian will leave the court with tears in his eyes after the opposing big man thoroughly dominates him, both by scoring through him, and by easily disrupting his ineffectual efforts to be aggressive with the ball.
I have also decided to stop seeking trade partners for this player until he inevitably shows that this game was a one-time fluke.
Until next time, Diary.
-Igor”