I have now made 24 Bojan Bogdanovic highlight videos this season. That’s a lot. That’s a number that informs the world, “DTB really and truly cares about Bojan Bogdanovic, not just on a basketball player level, but on a personal level as well.” Nobody has shown as much devotion to Bogdanovic as I have. That’s why I think that I should get to be his friend this summer.
Being friends with me doesn’t have to be a big deal. I’m pretty chill most of the time. All Bojan has to do is come over to my place and we can hang out. If he gets bored of playing video games, we can go get food at one of the numerous local restaurants that I patronize. I’m not sure there’s any Croatian cuisine available in my neck of Wisconsin, but there’s tasty pizzas and cheeseburgers everywhere you look. We can also play one-on-one as long as he promises not to posterize me more than two or three times.
I can even provide frank commentary on his bald spot in a way that only friends can do for each other. Because we would totally be best bros from the minute our eyes met. We could hang out at the mall and buy gumballs from that gumball machine where the gumball goes through a rollercoaster before coming out the slot. And then we could make fun of the kids in the Build-a-Bear. That’s something that Bojan’s friends in Croatia can’t offer him because they don’t have Build-a-Bear in Croatia.
Nobody else deserves this chance more than me. I’m the perfect candidate for being friends with Bojan Bogdanovic. Somebody please tell him this.