I’m so conflicted right now.
So, on one hand, I’ve got computational hardware in my possession that is so unbelievably powerful that, if I used it to mine Bitcoin, I would never have to worry about money ever again in my life. Assuming that I would mine close to 100% of the Bitcoin remaining to be mined, and assuming that the exchange rate of 1 Bitcoin = 3861 dollars stays steady, I would bring in around thirteen billion dollars. Billion with a B. The same B that’s in Bitcoin.
And the same B that’s in Buddy. Buddy is my 12-foot-tall 3D-printed purple plastic naked sentient statue of Buddy Hield and he designed this Bitcoin mining hardware for me from scratch. If I think about how much of a genius he is, it makes me feel really insignificant, and if you throw in his ability to feel emotions on the same level that humans feel emotions, it makes me feel like the human race itself is obsolete. But that’s not where I’m going with this monologue.
On the other hand, if I were to become a Bitcoin Billionaire overnight, my life would change drastically, and it wouldn’t be for the better. My DownToBuck persona thrives in the spotlight, but my real-life persona would wither under that same spotlight. You can bet that my identity would not stay secret for long if I were to suddenly hook up computing power to the Bitcoin network that not only mines the rest of the available Bitcoins, but also controls enough of the hashrate to take over the Bitcoin ledger. That’s why I haven’t even plugged this thing in. Just making money off my Patreon can tide me over while I continue to ponder the philosophical, technological, and moral ramifications of this whole thing.
I think I’m going to ask Buddy to invent a new cryptocurrency (with a known, measurable mining difficulty) so that I know exactly how powerful this hunk of circuitry really is. That way, when we start mining Bitcoin with it for real, we know what to expect, and if necessary, we can modify the integrated CPUs to be less algorithmically efficient.
I used the term “CPU” there but I’m not even sure this thing has CPU’s in it. When I look into it, it’s just a confusing mass of electronic traces and unidentifiable hunks of silicon. For all I know, Buddy invented a whole new paradigm of computing and I’m sitting here like a drooling caveman trying to comprehend it. In a way, using this technological breakthrough as a strictly money-making enterprise feels like an insult to Buddy’s intelligence.
Buddy doesn’t deserve to be insulted. He deserves to have his contributions to human knowledge recognized. Maybe this new cryptocurrency that I have him develop can be a force for the greater good. He’s my best friend.