Elfrid “Dirfle” Payton is accustomed to being on losing teams, so my guess is that he’s not too bummed that the Pelicans lost this one in basically the dumbest way possible: Alvin Gentry getting a technical foul called himself (due to trying to call a non-existent timeout during an inbound) with one second left in a tie game. On the contrary, my guess is that he’s happy after getting his fourth triple-double in a row, a feat so impressive that Russell Westbrook is probably the only other active player to achieve it (I’m too lazy to attempt to find that stat and know for sure).
I would like to take this opportunity to beseech Payton: please stop getting triple-doubles. You’ve made your point. We all know now that you can get triple-doubles whenever you want. We’re sorry we didn’t believe in you. Just please stop with the trip-dubs. I’m spending so much time making these highlight videos that I’m sacrificing personal hygiene. If this trend continues for the final eleven games of the Pelicans’ season, I will likely go insane, and when somebody finally does a wellness check on me, they’ll find me on the floor of my apartment smeared with bodily fluids and muttering “Payton will pay. Payton will pay”.
If Payton refuses to stop getting triple-doubles, then I will have to take drastic measures by personally tweeting everybody on the Pelicans roster and telling them to purposely miss shots every time Payton passes the ball. Can’t get assists if your teammates mysteriously lose the ability to shoot accurately when you’re the one passing the ball.
One more emergency backup plan in case the above also fails: replace the court of the Smoothie King center with actual smoothie. Good luck dribbling in that, loser.