One of my most notable side hustles is the creation of high-impact nicknames for NBA players, which I then leverage against them in order to extract high volumes of royalty payments from them. As of this writing, these schemes have netted me exactly $0.00, which means I probably shouldn’t be calling it a “side hustle”, and also means that you should be donating to my Patreon (https://www.patreon.com/downtobuck) because NBA players aren’t paying me like they should.
I bring this up because my new nickname for Ryan Broekhoff is going to turn the world on its head. It’s way better than “Broekback Mountain” or whatever derivative tripe I was calling him before. Check this out:
“The Saucy Aussie”.
After you have stopped trembling from sheer awe at the magnificent quality of this moniker, I will explain to you a little bit of my reasoning. Ryan Broekhoff is from Australia. That makes him, in the local parlance, an “Aussie”. Additionally, he plays with a certain aggression and hustle that could only be described as “saucy”. He “has the sauce”. When those two terms are combined, you’ll note that they rhyme perfectly to make the catchiest, most eminently sayable nickname of all time (or of at least the past two decades).
Not only is this nickname completely perfect in every way, its perfection is enhanced by the product tie-in potential. Broekhoff can easily use this nickname to launch a line of BBQ sauces, hot sauces, shrimp cocktail sauces, chocolate sauces, basically any kind of sauce. Any product bearing the name “Saucy Aussie Sauce” is guaranteed to move millions of units per quarter.
The only downside for Broekhoff here is that I will insist on collecting my fair share of royalties, which is 75% of all merchandise sales. That’s only fair considering I’m the genius here and he’s just the dumb basketball player.