Since I was wondering what kind of horrible name this dude’s parents came up with for him to prefer the moniker “Shake”, I’m going to venture over to Wikipedia, everybody’s favorite community-edited encyclopedia, to find out what his real name actually is. I mean, it’s gotta be completely embarrassing and awful, right? Is it “Shakille”? Or “Odysseus?” I’m not necessarily against made-up names, but is it something with two hyphens, two “De”s, and three apostrophes?
Wish me luck guys. I’m going in.
Okay, I’m back from Wikipedia and I’m disappointed. Shake Milton’s real name isn’t even that stupid. It’s “Malik”. That’s a totally normal name. Multiple NBA players have that name. If I was named Malik, I wouldn’t mind at all. It’s an angular, yet mysteriously powerful name. When you say it out loud, it sounds like you’re stabbing the air with your voice. Malik. Yeah. That’s a good name.
So why the heck does Shake want to go by Shake and not by Malik? I’m so disappointed by this anticlimactic revelation that I’m not going to read any further in Wikipedia to find out. I already closed the tab. Wikipedia is gone from my life for the next two hours while I try to overcome this emotional trauma. While I do that, you can enjoy this video of Malik Milton hitting some jumpers and stuff.
It even alliterates! Why?
Why?