I still don’t quite believe that Dwyane Wade will be retiring at the end of the season. Given that this loss to the Raptors removes the Heat from playoff contention, Wade just has two more games left before he rides off into the sunset. That’s sad and all that, but I just have one question on my mind:
Will Wade stop using steroids when his playing days are over? And if so, will his chin/cheeks area deflate back to normal proportions?
Wade has had a roid jaw since sometime during his rookie season. It seems like it gets more pronounced and angular with every passing season. When you compare the square jaw he has nowadays to the slim, slender, handsome jaw of his Marquette days, it becomes pretty obvious that he’s been using every type of steroid known to mankind for the past decade and a half. And he’s been injecting them into every part of his body that’s easily accessible.
But with no need to maintain an NBA-ready body, there’s no reason for Wade to subject himself to intense, tiring steroid regiments. Even if he immediately flabs out upon halting the steroid injections, it won’t matter. Sure, there will be some tacky tabloid articles when he shows up to his son’s games looking like he just got done hitting up the all-you-can-eat buffet, but what does he care? He’s the one with the money, fame, championship rings, and banging hot wife.
If Wade does continue with the roids, this is a good time to remind him that my offer of boutique, small-batch, microwave-cooked steroids still stands. Hit me up, Dwyane.