I just have to say that I was so right (SO RIGHT) when I decided that a Terrence Ross midrange-ilation would be the most viscerally satisfying highlight video ever. Because it is. If you need any more convincing, and you don’t want to just watch the video to convince yourself, keep in mind that I am correct on NBA-related matters an astonishing 99.4% of the time. The chances that I would be wrong in this instance are very low. The one time I was wrong was when I called John Wall a bust. And that was a long time ago, plus now I’m kinda right about it because he injured himself to death.
Back to Terrence Ross. Ross is not only a skilled midrange scorer, but he’s an aesthetic midrange scorer as well as a prolific midrange scorer. All those things combined will necessarily result in a highlight video that, honestly, makes the titans of the genre (Dawkins and House of Highlights) look like incompetent booty stains. The word “monumental” has been so carelessly thrown about over the years as to be meaningless, but I’m gonna drop it in here anyway. This video is a monumental achievement in the realm of NBA highlight videos, and it exists solely because of my uncanny instinct for teasing exciting compilations out of the vast numeric ocean of NBA statistics.
Still not convinced? Here’s a bunch more things I have been right about:
Thing one: I knew that DeMarcus Cousins wouldn’t help the Warriors win a ring as soon as he signed with them. And I was so right. SO RIGHT. Everybody pretends that it’s obvious in hindsight but I don’t need hindsight because my foresight is like 10x better than everybody’s hindsight. A ball-dominant player like Cousins would never be able to have an impact on such a star-studded team unless he started taking possessions away from his better teammates.
Thing two: When a restaurant opened up near me that only sold chicken strips, I knew that it would close within a year even though I really like chicken strips. Their location sucked and they had almost no seating and they used some weird batter that wasn’t even that crispy and their fries also sucked. It was still good food though. I get sad whenever I think about how they’re closed now. Sometimes it sucks to be right all the time.
Thing three: I knew that James Harden combined with Russell Westbrook would result in a total that is less than the sum of its parts even when everybody else penciled them in for the WCF at the least. Now, you might be saying, “B-b-b-but DEE TEE BEE, the season hasn’t even started yet! You can’t possibly know how well the Rockets will do this year!” To which I respond with a scoff and a snort as I point to the corner of my room where I keep my time machine (that you don’t get to use).
Thing four: Starting a Patreon was a good idea. I knew it wasn’t going to make me a millionaire or even a thousandaire (yet), but getting a small amount of compensation for making NBA highlight videos makes me feel slightly less foolish for devoting such a significant amount of my time to the pursuit. https://www.patreon.com/downtobuck
Thing five: When I said that Jeremy Lamb could be the second option on the Hornets no problem, I was absolutely correct. At points last season, he was their second option, and he performed well in the role. Now their first option is Terry Rozier or Nic Batum (I am LMAOing) and I don’t even know what # option Lamb is in Indiana. Probably three. Or four.
Thing six: When I asked Sarah to go with me to the Junior Prom, I knew that I was going to get rejected. She was pretty and she had friends and played softball. I was scrawny and a loner and was an esteemed member of the Dance Dance Revolution club. But we sat next to each other in my creative writing class and she was always nice to me so I gave it a shot. She let me down easy, but I still remember the dude who actually did take her to the Junior Prom (his name was Taylor [which is a girl’s name LOL (lots of laughs)] and he had a strong jawline). Looking back on it over a decade later, I think I did it because I subconsciously wanted to punish myself for being purposely antisocial in high school. The soul of DTB is a tormented one.
Thing seven: While Kentavious Caldwell-Pope had a stretch at the end of the season where he was constantly scoring in the mid-twenties or higher, I repeatedly asserted that nobody would watch the highlight videos I was making for him. I was so right. So right. Some of those videos don’t even have 400 views, even though there’s a lot of Laker fans who would be theoretically interested in watching them.
Thing eight: I made a conscious decision to not write a story for this description because I’ve got a lot of -ilations left to upload and I’m running out of time before the season starts. And I have to say, writing all this garbage was a lot easier than putting together a funny narrative. Burnout is a real possibility here. Don’t be surprised if I upload videos with no description. It might come to that.