Or: “DownToBuck’s Favorite Part”
You thought the players in part III were scrubs? They’re like goddamn All-Stars in comparison to the barely-in-the-league scrubnuggets that comprise this video from start to finish (with a few notable exceptions). I will admit some of these players are new to me, and if you can honestly say that all of these players were already familiar to you, then maybe you should be the one making highlight videos for YouTube.
[P.S. donate to my Patreon so that scrublights never go away: https://www.patreon.com/downtobuck]
0:00 You know this video is gonna kick ass when it starts with Jerome Robinson. Who even is Jerome Robinson?
0:10 In my mind, going “J.R. Smith” on somebody means that you threw hot soup at their face.
0:15 Is this the play where Dwight ripped his ass muscles in half and had to sit the rest of the season? Not literally sit. He couldn’t sit when his ass muscles were like pulled pork sticking out of his tighty whities.
0:19 If you enjoyed this clip, there’s a whole Jarell Martin bucketilation waiting for you. No lie. I just uploaded it two days ago.
0:23 More like Pau GasOLD (lmaoing right now)
0:36 Ellenson’s gross shooting mechanics restrict him to only shooting over defenders who are 6’1″ or shorter.
1:07 Peep that crossed-hands follow-through on the shot. Is he trying to do sign language?
1:12 Celtics fans are advised not to watch this clip.
1:25 Biggest contract in part IV? Depends on how much Dwight was getting paid.
1:30 This is legitimately the hardest I’ve seen John Henson dunk it. How did he not break in half?
1:44 How did JaKarr Sampson and Brandon Sampson end up right next to each other? I’m so spooked out right now. Is my computer haunted? Can you exorcise a computer?
1:53 Throwing that layup at the backboard like it’s a bowl of soup aimed at an assistant coach.
2:27 I don’t know why Lorenzo Brown thought this was okay. It is definitely not okay.
2:32 Basketball-reference just informed me that Daniel Hamilton is Jordan Hamilton’s brother and I’m reeling. I had no idea. Damn.
3:07 Wait wait wait. Hold up. Devin Robinson is different from Jerome Robinson?
3:25 Are we playing the “name every NBA player you can think of” game?
4:03 Julian Washburn with the most impressive shot of the video so far. That means he shouldn’t have taken it.
4:17 Tallest white-dude pick and roll ever.
4:31 Rawle Alkins sounds like the name of an 80-year-old who sits on his porch all day.
4:44 Another weird coincidence: Dairis Bertans getting victimized right after he was the one doing the victimizing.
5:20 Quick quiz: name all the players on the court in this clip. Hard mode: don’t read the caption in the top right.
5:28 B.J. Johnson has two penis jokes in his name. Three once you find out that his middle name is “Wienerman”.
5:46 Hardest and most authoritative safety dribble I’ve ever seen.
5:50 Quick quiz: who’s getting kneed in the balls here? I eventually figured it out, then confirmed via basketball-reference.
6:02 You totally know that Jimmer relapsed on his fry sauce addiction while on the road in Utah.
6:13 Don’t come in here and tell me that Loyd is supposed to have two L’s. I am fully aware. Tell that to his parents instead. They’re the ones with the dumb last name.
6:45 This is the third year in a row that R.J. Hunter appeared in fewer than five games. He’s like the king of barely being in the NBA.
6:50 Love the way the commentator says “Naz”. “NAAAZ.”
7:00 If the commentators are snickering at you, that’s not a good sign.
7:13 “Backdoor Baker” sounds like his “adult entertainment” nickname.
7:25 Like Jaron Blossomgame in part III, Haywood Highsmith’s name = guaranteed roster spots.
7:30 Alize Johnson: different from Amile Jefferson? It’s likelier than you think!
7:48 You thought Haywood Highsmith had a cool name? You ain’t seen nothing yet.
8:02 The names at the end of this video are nuts.
8:16 Remember when the Pistons destroyed Motiejunas’ career for no reason? DownToBuck remembers.
8:24 “Chiozza” is the name of my new Chicago-style pizza restaurant (square-cut thin crust only because deep dish is garbo).
8:33 Whose combover is Richard Jefferson talking about? I must know!
8:38 In his two-year NBA career, Justin Patton has three buckets. And three broken feet.
8:41 Joe Chealey has the name “Zhou Qi” built right in. I would encourage Chinese fans to watch this video on account of that, but, yeah, you know. On a happier note, Chealey’s shot kicks off the part of the video where the players shown only made one shot the whole season.
8:46 “Angel Delgado All 1 Field Goals Full Highlights (2018-19 Season Bucketilation)”
8:51 You knew Marv Albert wasn’t gonna come up with a name for this guy.
9:00 The phrase “he can flat out score”, when applied to Yante Maten, is the most hilarious overstatement in NBA history.
9:04 No comment.
9:14 Hands down the most entertaining field goal from a one-field-goal-scorer, ever.