You will never guess which fast-food burger establishment I acquired my dinner from tonight. You will simply NEVER guess. There is just no way for you to know. There are no clues hidden ANYWHERE in this highlights package, not in the title, not in the thumbnail, not in the video itself, nowhere. You can guess if you want, but be warned, if you guess In-N-Out, I will personally come over to your place of residence and slap you on the back of your head for being so stupid. The nearest In-N-Out to me is like fifty bajillion miles from me, nimrod. So I guess I just have to tell you:
Culver’s.
People from Wisconsin and Minnesota will already know the deal with Culver’s, but for the rest of you uncultured swine, actually, hold on, I’m not going to tell you about it. I’m not going to let the secret out. You coasties might call us “flyovers”, but you’re the ones who are missing out on primo cheeseburgers with fried cheese curds (which aren’t even good by Wisconsin standards but I let it slide because they’re a fast food place). Not to mention the frozen custard. Don’t call it ice cream, you disgusting imbecile. It’s not ice cream. It’s frozen custard. Totally different.
Anyway, that’s totally what I had for din-dins and imagine my delight and glee when it turns out that Jarrett Culver (who was named after this restaurant chain I am pretty sure) had a legitimately nice performance with the Timberwolves tonight. I kind of lose track of the draft after the first two or so picks, so it was surprising to see that he was drafted 6th overall. Surprising because he’s been pretty horrible his first few games and I just assumed he was some second-rounder or something who wasn’t even supposed to be good anyway. Nope! He’s a touted prospect who hasn’t found his rhythm in the NBA yet.
He more than doubled his previous output with just this one game, let’s put it that way. That one Timberwolves announcer who is really earnest all the time sounded like he was about to cry over how well Culver was playing. That warmed my heart a little bit.