I hope Australians are familiar with the concept of a “patty melt”, one of the most important food items that America has contributed to the global culinary arts. If you are not familiar, here’s a quick rundown: it’s like a hamburger except instead of a bun you have bread (could be rye, could be sourdough, etc.), and instead of all those lame veggies you have grilled onions. It’s kinda like a grilled cheese sandwich with a big burger wedged in there with the onions and the cheese. And it’s so good. That’s why Patty Mills’ nickname is “Patty Melt”. Because Patty Mills is a good basketball player, and the patty melt is a good sandwich. It’s just so natural.
Sadly, my favorite local greasy burger establishment DISCONTINUED the patty melt from their menu, leaving me melt-less and despairing. I don’t even know why they would have to do that, because it’s not like it really used any extra ingredients that they wouldn’t already have. Were not enough people ordering it? Because I was ordering it all the time. I could probably ask them to make it for me as a special off-menu item, but I’m way too timid for such antics. What if they said no, or didn’t know what I was talking about? I would look like such a fool. No, better to just not go to that restaurant anymore. Vote with my wallet.
Damn, now I’m really craving a patty melt. I should never have got on this topic in the first place. And I already had supper so if I want one I have to wait until lunch tomorrow which is an eternity way at this point. Unless… is it lunch time in Australia? I don’t know how time zones work and I refuse to learn on principle (DTB ain’t no god-damn time traveler), but if some Aussie wants to join me in a delicious patty melt (theirs might have to be home made), I’m all for it.