“Dear Diary,
Things have been different since the Rockets traded Chris for Russell. When I found out that stupid baby Chris was going to play somewhere else, I was real happy. Chris was never any fun and coach Mike always said he was the starter even when I told him that I wanted to be the starter.
But I found out that Russell is a point guard too so I still can’t be the starter. That made me sad. I called Daddy and told him that I wanted to play for the Clippers again, but he told me he isn’t the GM anymore so he doesn’t get to make trades. I don’t understand. He’s the coach. That’s the most important person in the whole entire team. If he wanted to make the Rockets trade me he could. When I told Beard Man that I asked for a trade he said I had no leverage. I don’t know what leverage is but Beard Man said it was too complicated to explain.
But at least Russell is funner than Chris was. He always asks me if I have a girlfriend yet. I laugh and tell him no I don’t have a girlfriend. Then he says that he’ll give some cute girls my phone number so I can have a girlfriend and “get some”. I don’t know what “some” is or how I’m supposed to “get” it. I guess I’ll just wait until the girls Russell knows decide to call me or send me pictures of them with no clothes on.
Russell says he gets pictures of girls with no clothes on all the time on his phone, he even showed me some. When I saw them I got a weird feeling down there. I bet if I had a girlfriend she would be so pretty that all the time I would have the funny feeling in my pants.
That’s all for now, Mr. Diary. Thanks for being my best friend!
-Austin”