If you’ve been following my channel for a while, you know that sometimes I have this little problem where I allow my BHL (Blood Hype Level) to get too high when a player is doing unexpectedly well. Then my BHL crashes and I suffer some type of medical emergency. This pattern repeats itself over and over, but it’s like I have no control over my own hype levels, and then end result is my kitty Japurri having to use his little paws to dial 911 for me while I either convulse violently or lie on the floor in a comatose state.
So, when Tim Hardaway Junior effortlessly dropped nineteen points on the Sixers in the first quarter of this game, all it took was one look at the box-score and by BHL went through the roof. When my BHL is too high, I start behaving erratically; in this case, I went to the website for a local printing place and ordered a fifty foot by twenty foot banner that reads “Tim Hardaway Jr. is Making Ben Simmons into a Bitch Sandwich”. The website required a vector graphic file for the banner design, which I somehow designed and send to them, even though I can’t find the file on my computer and I don’t even have any programs that would export to the proper file type.
Then THJ didn’t score any points at all in the second quarter and my BHL crashed as I realized that he wasn’t going to beat Kobe’s 81 points or even come close at all. I don’t remember much of what happened, but I futilely ate an entire box of Pop-Tarts to try to stave off the inevitable (sugar is not a replacement for hype in the bloodstream) and threw them up all over my desk. Then I passed out. Luckily, by the time paramedics arrived at my place, I was fine, so I could send them away without having to pay for an expensive ambulance ride courtesy of the American healthcare system. It was embarrassing though because the cute Latina in the apartment above me saw them talking to me. She probably thinks I have a weak constitution, but she would totally have to go to the hospital too if she saw how many points THJ had in the first quarter.
Now I have this gigantic banner with nowhere to hang it. Even when it’s folded up it takes up the whole corner of my living room. Maybe I’ll mail it to THJ and he can bring it to free agency meetings or something. God damn it.