This game was, according to sources on the internet I trust very much, the first time in NBA history that three brothers had shared the court together. Aaron Holiday, Justin Holiday, and Jrue Holiday, like I needed to tell you their names. We had recently had an Antetokounmpo trio who were all active but didn’t all play; the Holidays, however, are in no danger of not getting to play, because they’re all good.
What a great moment for the NBA and for the Holiday family. Really great. Superb. But it wasn’t so great for DownToBuck, whose enhanced machine-learning boxscores/play-by-play script totally frickin’ IMPLODED when confronted with so many players with the same last name.
Before you mock my inferior coding skills, remember, machine learning is basically an impenetrable black box that no one can ever hope to understand. It’s not my fault that it ran totally off the rails while trying to parse the amount of actions that the Holidays were executing on the basketball court. It was working fine up until tonight, everything was perfect, but now I’m looking at the logs and I seriously can’t figure out what’s going so wrong.
And if you’re thinking that I could just use the play-by-play data that the NBA provides, don’t make me laugh. You think I could be so efficient making highlights with whatever garbage data the NBA provides? I didn’t get to be where I am by being inefficient. Problem is, my whole operation is based on this goddamn script and now it’s outputting arcane error messages that even Bill Gates himself couldn’t decipher.
If anyone with an advanced degree in machine learning wants to help me out, that would be great. But if you’re just some casual “web developer” who faints when you see even one line of actual code, don’t even bother. This is way above your pay grade.