I thought that with Kyle Lowry returning to the Raptors’ lineup, Fred VanVleet would take a break from ruining my life. I guess this is what I get for having even the flimsiest shred of optimism: VanVleet redoubling his efforts to ruin my life by having a surfeit of stat-stuffed performances.
He did temporarily take a break from the ruination of my existence when he banged up his knee a little bit, but he was only out for five games, and immediately came back to the starting lineup, ready to continue the torment of my being. How is this even happening? I really liked what he did in the playoffs last year, even if a lot of it was against my team, but I didn’t think he’d turn into a legit 17/7 point guard for real. He is a seriously legit point guard, god damn it.
And he’s doing this while Lowry is starting alongside him. Why does Nick Nurse think it’s okay to start TWO midget point guards? Everyone with a brain knows that’s never going to work. But it is. Defying all known laws of basketball, it is. Nurse is complicit in the ruining of my life; if he just started a normal lineup, VanVleet wouldn’t get enough chances to pad his stats by making shots and finding teammates to endlessly force me to make vids for him without end.
I feel like god-damn Sisyphus pushing the rock up the hill only to see it roll back down again, except my rock is VanVleet and the hill is highlight videos. The other difference is that unlike Sisyphus, who was damned to his fate for all eternity, I can withdraw eligibility for VanVleet on my channel at any time. So why don’t I?
Why don’t I?