Hornets fans are rightfully tired of Malik Monk getting marginalized to the absolute most marginal margins of the bench. There seems to be no respite for either Monk or the fans. No matter how bad the Hornets are, or how desperately they need Monk’s scoring and playmaking, he just can’t consistently get the minutes that we all want him to get.
Luckily, DownToBuck has once again stepped in with the answer. I am pleased to use this video description to announce the launch of my latest and possibly most ambitious project: the MMBA!
Maybe the acronym doesn’t make sense to you right away. So I will spell it out for you: the Malik Monk Basketball Association.
The genius idea behind the MMBA is this: it will be a professional basketball league where Malik Monk is the sole focal point. There will be other players in the league, and they will be “professional” in the sense that they will be getting paid to play basketball against each other, but the whole point is to have a league where Monk can come in and dominate. Playing against forty-year-old former Div III bench players and athletic-looking guys I found at the gym, Monk will score at least 100 points a game, especially because every other player in the league has specific instructions to not play man-to-man defense on Monk at all. You can guard his teammates (who are also total scrubs), but you can’t guard Monk.
You know how crowds are going nuts during those high school exhibition games and what-have-you? The crowds will be going twice as nuts as Monk breaks and re-breaks and re-re-breaks Wilt’s record, over and over again, showing off his tight handles and acrobatic windmill dunks and forty-foot pull-up threes. Actually, I’m going to revoke the “no defense on Monk” rule so he can posterize people and break their ankles (hopefully in the same play).
I’ve already finalized the entire thing. Players and coaches are signed. Team names and arenas are ready to go (the Chillicothe (Ohio) Chili-Dogs and the Kingsport (Tennessee) Sportsmen already have a rivalry going because I mandated it in their franchise agreements). The only thing left to do is buy out Malik Monk’s NBA contract and stick him on the Asheville (North Carolina) Ashholes. He might be a little upset that he’s only getting paid $100 per game appearance, but the contract numbers will go through the roof once fans realize that they don’t need to attend boring NBA games anymore. Plus, I’ve even targeted markets ignored by the NBA by establishing a team in Virginia (the Blacksburg Burgermen).
Get ready for the next big thing in mostly professional basketball. And get ready for Malik Monk to finally be able to show off the extent of his considerable talents. And also get ready for a new MMBA-focused highlights channel where the only videos are of Malik Monk and some guy named Travis who should be able to hit a couple of shots as long as nobody closes out too hard on him.