Derrick White honestly looks like a Realdoll version of Derrick White. Not that I know what a Realdoll looks like or anything. I’m just saying, his facial features don’t look fully human. He looks like what an idealized version of Derrick White would look like if you were trying to make him as cute as…
Read MoreDay: January 21, 2020
Bryn Forbes 24 Points/8 Threes Full Highlights (1/20/2020)
Bryn “Brynk of Insanity” Forbes has been scapegoated rather vigorously by Spurs fans in the past few weeks, some even going so far as to allege that he is not an NBA-caliber player. I can understand where they’re coming from, even if I don’t agree with questioning the fact that Forbes is made out of…
Read MoreJerami Grant 19 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights (1/20/2020)
As if I needed any more proof to support my hypothesis that Paul Millsap is ruining the Nuggles, I present to you: EXHIBIT 38A THAT PAUL MILLSAP IS RUINING THE NUGGLES: Jerami Grant scored 19 this game. Michael Porter Jr. scored 20. Torrey Craig scored 2. Juancho Hernangomez scored 0. The combined production of the…
Read MoreMichael Porter Jr. 20 Points Full Highlights (1/20/2020)
Coach Mike Malone of the Nuggets recently stated his intentions to give Michael Porter Jr. minutes in every Nuggets game from now on, and the implication was that the given minutes wouldn’t just be a token three minutes and change at the end of a blowout, or fifteen seconds at the end of the first…
Read MoreNorman Powell 27 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (1/20/2020)
In the past there has been a concept of “Playoff Powell” – an idealized version of Norman Powell who only shows up in the Playoffs to kick the rear ends of not just the Bucks, but other teams as well. Well, as of right now, we are DISCARDING the concept of Playoff Powell. Playoff Powell…
Read MoreKendrick Nunn 25 Points Full Highlights (1/20/2020)
Heat commentary-man John Crotty (who sucks by the way – GIVE ME BACK TONY FIORENTINO YOU COWARDS) alleged in this game that Kendrick Nunn “[had] milk in his veins”. And now I’m sitting here wondering if that’s a good thing, to have milk running through one’s veins. Crotty obviously thought that this was a good…
Read MoreJames Johnson 22 Points Full Highlights (1/20/2020)
OFFICIAL PREFERRED IN-GAME SNACKS OF JAMES JOHNSON POWER RANKINGS 1. Mozzarella sticks smuggled by a friendly fan from the concession stand 2. A carton of melted strawberry ice cream stashed in warm-up pants 3. Candy from the candy bucket on the scorer’s table (consumed in fistfuls without removing the wrappers first) 4. One chicken strip…
Read MoreP.J. Washington 19 Points Full Highlights (1/20/2020)
In the last video description I wrote for P.J. Washington, I introduced a revolutionary new product concept that was sure to be a money-printing factory for all involved parties: P.J.’s PJ’s. P.J.’s PJ’s are pajamas branded with P.J. Washington’s name and offered in all the crazy teals and purples that normal Hornets jerseys are available…
Read MoreMalik Monk 20 Points Full Highlights (1/20/2020)
Hornets fans are rightfully tired of Malik Monk getting marginalized to the absolute most marginal margins of the bench. There seems to be no respite for either Monk or the fans. No matter how bad the Hornets are, or how desperately they need Monk’s scoring and playmaking, he just can’t consistently get the minutes that…
Read MoreNicolas Claxton 15 Points/1 Three Full Highlights (1/20/2020)
It would be easy to go in HARD on the Brooklyn Nets for seemingly ruining the development of every young big man on their roster by going out and signing a listless, washed-up DeAndre Jordan for some obscene amount of money (they could pay me 1/100th of that money to be the team’s personal highlight…
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