The Kings’ video feed for this game is all wonky with various blips, glitches, and other assorted deformations. At first I couldn’t figure out why it was screwy: the NBA has pretty good quality control when it comes to the broadcasts of the local TV networks who carry the games. However, as I gave the issue more thought, the reason for the glitchiness became clear to me:
An underground network of technologically-inclined Serbs are messing with the broadcast to send subliminal messages to NBA GM’s/scouting departments who might be watching. While the rest of us peasantry are also getting the hidden encoded messages, we’re just caught in the crossfire between high-tech Serbian hackers and the high-up decision-makers in each and every NBA franchise.
I have used the computing power of my GPU to do some machine learning on these video clips to maybe extract some meaning from them. After running this entire video through the algorithm, I’ve come up with the following phrases:
“Trade Bogdanovic to a team where he won’t be held down”
“The Serbian Superteam in Sacramento (SSS) is dead”
“LeBron + Bogdanovic = guaranteed championship”
“Also trade Bjelica too please”
“Kings ruin all their players”
I feel like it would be more effective to simply put these messages in plain text over the top of the broadcast so they can’t be ignored, but what do I know? I’m not the elite hacker sitting in the top-floor apartment of some commieblock surrounded by network cables and frantically typing commands into a terminal window. Besides, the messages are totally working because Bogdanovic’s name has been coming up in trade rumors recently; it seems like the whole league is looking at him and imagining him wearing their jersey.