James “Man Boobs” Harden and Russell “Chucksell Statpadbrook” Westbrook returned to the lineup for the Rockets last night after a blessed one-game respite from their chucktastic ways three nights ago against the Jazz. Remember, that was the game where Danuel House had 21, Austin Rivers also had 21, Eric Gordon dropped a GOD-DAMN FIFTY BURGER, and everybody had the time of their lives.
No surprise here, but with the ballhog bros back on the court, the Rockets promptly lost to the Blazers, who are both on paper and in real life the inferior team. Ben McLemore did his best with an efficient 6-of-10 shooting resulting in seventeen points, and Austin Rivers chipped in with seventeen points of his own, but the Rockets’ role-player just could not overcome the insurmountable ball-hogginess of Statpadbrook and Man Boobs. Statpadbrook even had a good game, but Man Boobs did not, and I’m guessing they were getting cooked on defense all game (Lillard had a trippy-dubby).
I derive perverse pleasure from watching superstars collapse while their “inferior” role-player teammates try to prop them up and drag them to victory. Especially superstars who I deem to play in the “wrong” way as if I alone hold the secrets to what proper and successful basketball looks like. I can’t help it. I love role-players too much.