I am completely out of things to say about Dillon “Dill$wag” Brooks. After having made ten highlight videos for him in the month of January (out of a possible fourteen), the well has completely run dry. He’s turning into a dynamic, exciting scorer right in front of my eyeballs, but all I can think about is how his highlight videos are a fixture of constant torment in my life.
How much money would I have to pay Brooks to literally stop playing well so that he no longer qualifies for highlight videos? It would have to be more than the current value of his contract, right? So, like, for an entire half-season of very poor play, I’d probably have to pay around two million dollars. That’s not really doable for me in my current financial state, but that’s why crowdfunding exists. So that people who don’t have money can get it from people who do have money.
Actually, if I can crowdfund that much money, I can just buy Brooks out of his contract completely and have money left over for me to pay him to be my personal basketball coach. All those losers at the park are going to be staring at me with mouths agape when they see my vast array of new scoring moves taught to me by Dill$wag himself. Expect for me to send out a link to a GoFundMe page very soon.