Luke Kornet had somehow gotten lost on the way to the team bus. He had navigated the Wells Fargo Center successfully in the past, but always with a group of teammates in case one of them turned the wrong way. This time, he had set out alone, and now he was paying the price. He had no idea where he was and his phone was blowing up with text messages from teammates wondering why he was holding them up.
There was a strange lack of arena personnel in the hallways he was venturing. Perhaps unwisely, but lacking a better option, he grabbed the handle of a closed door to his left and pulled. To his surprise, it opened. Maybe there would be somebody inside who could give him directions to the parking lot where a bus filled with impatient teammates was waiting for him.
However, what he saw in that office completely caught him by surprise.
A seven-foot-tall corndog stood in the center of the room that otherwise seemed to be filled with supplies for the arena’s concession stands. Boxes labeled as containing “straws”, “honey mustard packets”, “cheesesteak egg rolls”, and a hundred other miscellaneous items were stacked against the walls and on shelves, but Luke didn’t care about those things. He cared about the human-sized corndog that was now speaking to him from a mouth that had materialized in the cornbready outer coating.
“Welcome, Luke,” said the corndog.
“Food can’t talk,” Luke said dumbly, wondering if the excitement from scoring a career high in points had shattered his sanity.
“You probably also think that food can’t do this,” said the corndog as it began tapdancing there in the concession storage room.
Luke watched this spectacle, too dumbfounded to speak. Finally, he found words. “This has truly been a learning experience for me.”
“Are you hungry, Luke?” the corndog asked.
For some reason, Luke seriously considered the corndog’s question before answering, despite thinking that he should really just leave the room and immediately consult a psychiatrist. “Yeah, I am hungry.” He wondered if opposing players were allowed to help themselves to the boxes of foodstuffs.
“Eat me, Luke. Come and eat me,” the corndog invited, and now Luke noticed that appealing waves of steam were emanating from the body of the giant food item, indicating that it was freshly prepared and would never be more appetizing. “I’m delicious, Luke. Trust me. Come and try it for yourself.”
Luke approached the sentient corndog cautiously at first, but then his postgame hunger got the best of him, and he walked up to the corndog until it was just inches away. He could smell the succulent aroma of the buttery cornbread coating and the steamy hotdog interior. Without any more hesitation, he opened his mouth wide and took a big mouthful of the corndog’s body.
“Yes,” the corndog sighed as Luke finished chewing his bite and took another, then another. “Yes, eat me Luke, yes…we are one now! You are the Korndog!!!!”
“I am the Korndog!” Luke wailed in similar ecstasy, closing his eyes in bliss.
—
“Uh, sir…sir? SIR!”
Luke opened his eyes at the unexpectedly loud noise. He was still in that storage room, but there was a short Hispanic man in front of him. They were embracing. Luke had the man’s shirt in his mouth. “Sorry,” Luke said meekly, releasing the man’s shirt from his teeth and stepping back. “I think I dozed off.” Without attempting to give any more of an explanation to the man, not that he would have a logical explanation to give him, Luke turned and ran out the door.
He still didn’t know how to get to the team bus. But something felt different within him, like the anxieties of his past life no longer mattered. He had transcended the feeble existence of the mortal human named Luke Kornet. Now he was…The Korndog.