Maybe I’m only about to make the following allegation because Domantas Sabonis has been regrettably excluded from my channel as of four days from now, meaning that pandering to Lithuanians is no longer the number one goal of my channel, but does anybody else get the feeling that Sabonis’ triple-doubles aren’t legitimate? Like, at all?
Some of these assists are extremely dubious at best and blatantly fabricated at worst. And it’s not just this video. Every other triple-double video I’ve made for the Saboner has at least one or two assists of questionable assistiness. NBA scorekeepers seem to be inexplicably attracted to skilled, foreign big guys because Nikola Jokic consistently got this treatment back when I was making videos for him (and presumably still does to this day). I swear that Jokic only has one or two real triple doubles in his career.
In general, assists are handed out like candy in the NBA, but Sabonis is getting even more of the candy than his teammates are getting. They’re forcibly cramming candy into his mouth, to continue using the metaphor.
If I’m on the verge of using my journalistic persistence to uncover some kind of pervasive, insidious, possibly Lithuanian-funded scorekeeping scandal in the NBA, the trail is about to go cold because Sabonis is an All-Star now. Whatever the scorekeepers do with him, I OFFICIALLY do not care past this Thursday. They can give him ten fake blocks and ten fake steals for a big, fake, quintuple-double for all I care. I’ve got more important things to worry about. Like Thon Maker scoring twelve.