In one of my recent Zion Williamson video descriptions (I don’t remember which one, all these Zion highlights are blurring together into an indistinct mass of black skin, dunks, and wobbly running), I bemoaned the fact that the Pelicans’ color commentator is unbearable. I then put forward my plan to use the commentators of the opposing team for all Zion highlights going forward.
Well, I’m not proceeding with that plan. Zion Williamson highlight videos will, for the foreseeable future, continue to use the Pelicans’ broadcasters. Why, you ask? Simply put, I put the quality of the video over the quality of the audio. And the Pelicans’ broadcast will always have more replays of Zion’s buckets than the broadcast of an opposing team. So, even though this color guy (who is so breathtakingly annoying that I’m not going to show him any respect by looking up his name and calling him by it) is literally RUINING an entire season’s worth of Zion Williamson videos, you’re gonna have to keep listening to him.
My next project is to use a machine-learning algorithm running on a cluster of fifty Nvidia TITAN GPU’s to differentiate between the voice of the annoying guy and the voice of Joel Meyers (who is cool in my book). Then, I can apply that algorithm to my videos so that the audio just mutes when Mr. Annoying is rambling on and on about how POWERFUL and SKILLED and PROBABLY ADVENTUROUS IN THE BEDROOM Zion is. There might be some glitches when Mr. Annoying decides to start talking over the top of Joel Meyers (which he seems to do on every single play), but the great thing about machine learning is that the algorithm will improve over time. Eventually, my GPU cluster will be able to replace Mr. Annoying’s horrible takes with additional Joel Meyers commentary generated on the fly.
Now I just need to buy all these GPU’s. If every subscriber donated one dollar per month to my Patreon I think I would have enough money in three months. I think that’s worth it to get this obnoxious, worst-commentator-of-all-time dude off my highlight videos.