Since I wore myself out writing some other descriptions tonight, I present to you my latest low-effort drivel disguised as semi-serious journalism:
OFFICIAL FAMILY-FRIENDLY EUPHEMISMS FOR SERGE IBAKA’S “THINGY” POWER RANKINGS:
1. “Thingy”
2. “Pants Python”
3. “Sweatpants Snake”
4. “The Congolese Crusher”
5. “(Not-So-)Little Serge”
6. “The Pipe”
7. “Meat”
[POWER GAP]
9001. “Cockle-Doodle-Doo”
Now that you spent thirty seconds reading that, you have no choice but to donate to my Patreon to support continued journalistic excellence that goes above and beyond.