https://youtu.be/LzRpLYNwoZE
Imagine, if you will, a universe where the incredble hype surrounding LaMelo Ball does not exist, where the attention paid to his family is minimal, where there has never been any such concept as “Big Baller Brand”, and where there is a special machine that lets you to mix and match Pop-Tart flavors, allowing you to become a master chef of Pop-Tarts, creating new exciting taste sensations at the push of a button.
That is the universe I currently live in. Are you jealous of my magical Pop-Tart machine, ensorcelled by wizard’s spells at its inception and possessing power that only a few on this earth can hope to control? You are. You ARE jealous! I can tell. May if you donate enough to my Patreon I’ll let you gaze upon the machine. No touching, though. Only those most well-trained in the “Ars Poptartium” can force the machine to do their bidding. So basically just me and my little tubby kitty, Japurri Purrker. He’s a good kitty, and he likes Pop-Tarts just as much as I do.
LaMelo Ball is certainly one of the more hyped rookies from this class, given his known pedigree and the media coverage that has followed him since he was a midget in high school chucking threes from a million feet out. But to me, he’s just another rookie. A rookie with a somewhat odd jumpshot, a nice amount of playmaking ability, and a brother who I can’t tell if he’s actually good or not. And that’s it. I feel no special amount of hype while rewatching this vid, only the normal amount of hype I feel when a top-5 rookie has his first legitimately good game in the NBA.
Again, I ask: are you jealous? Jealous of my ability to objectively consider the on-court exploits of Ball, free from the hysteria stirred up by mouth-breathing simpletons on social media? Again, I can tell that you are. It is a rare power that I possess, and perhaps if you spend enough time in silent contemplation, you too can be a staid NBA analyst like myself.