https://youtu.be/EUz79mtzPcg
I just got to thinking, will NBA players ever consent to going back to those cramped pre-social-distancing benches? I’m looking at this footage of Mike “Muscy Stench” Muscala stretching out in his own personal chair with his own personal Gatorade cooler (probably stocked with all manner of refreshing beverages) and I’m thinking about how much more comfortable that must be than being crammed into a row of folding chairs and having to beg the Gatorade girl for a kid-sized cup of the stuff. From my understanding of it, Muscala can just go rummage around in the cooler whenever he’s not in the game. He could even keep a ham sandwich in there, if he wanted that extra spike of carbs and protein during the game. Or ice cream. Are those things cold enough to stop ice cream from melting?
Arenas are going to be pissed that that these new-style bench areas (which aren’t even anything resembling a literal bench) are taking away valuable courtside seating space, but I think the NBA players take precedence here. They’re the ones that are drawing fans to the arena in the first place. If they want to have tons of space to stretch out their too-long legs, they should have that space, and the fans can find somewhere else to sit. Like at the back of the upper bowl, next to a sweaty guy with a protruding gut who plows through five large popcorns and constantly makes womanizing comments towards the dance team while belching and scratching his greasy, malodorous armpits.
The only downside of these new benches is that we’ll never again see Michael Beasley rubbing Anthony Tolliver’s knee thinking it’s his own. Or Dwight Howard casually grabbing Isaiah Canaan in the private parts.