https://youtu.be/5UdplIZF9cg
Kevin Porter Jr. is back, people. Backer than back. Back times two. Back SQUARED You’re looking at the future of Rockets basketball, no, I’m not overreacting. You’re the one who is underreacting here. Maybe watch this video and get back to me, yeah?
I don’t even remember who James Harden is anymore. Some ring-chasing man-boobed loser with a hobo beard. John Wall? If you like your PGs to have negative potential and knees that are a hastily-crafted assemblage of twist-ties and beef tartare, I guess he’d be cool. Victor Oladipo was only really relevant for that one season, why do we think that he’ll somehow become relevant again after injuries? Look at the rest of the roster. A whole lot of nothing*.
Don’t even talk to me about Bruno Caboclo, though. DON’T EVEN TALK TO ME ABOUT HIM. He was totally the future of Rockets basketball, and he still could be (he’s just sitting at home waiting for that call), but for now, KPJ is and I’m pretty much okay with him as a secondary option. It’d be a good duo, though.
Now that you’ve had time to use the jelly-filled orbs located in your cranium to absorb the light emanating from this video, now that you’ve taken that light and converted it into a format your brain can understand, and now that you’ve analyzed those signals coming from your ocular nerves using whichever cortices and lobes that suited you best, you cannot deny that Porter is the future of Rockets basketball. It’s simply undeniable. If you are still a denier, kindly watch this video again.
Here’s a fun factoid for you factoid-addicted sickos out there: Porter, in his first two games as a Rocket, had already two games with more assists than he ever had before. 10 in his debut (I thought about making a vid but passed because I’m semi-retired, deal with it), 8 tonight, he’s basically a point guard who never actually got a chance to be a point guard before. He’s not just a scorer, people: he wants to make his teammates better, in a way that Harden never did (everyone knows that the only reason he ever passed was because he wanted to pad his assist totals, not out of a desire to see greater team success).
Here’s another factoid, because I know you can’t get enough: he had 27 points tonight, and that’s 27 more points than Wall and Oladipo and Harden combined had for the Rockets. I like my futures of the franchise to actually be available to play, thank you very much.
Who even knows what the Cavaliers are doing right now. They suck, they’re one of the suckiest teams in the league, and they just gave up on this dude for nothing. Yeah, so he flipped his car on a highway and that car happened to have weed and a loaded gun in it, so what? Happens to me all the time. And yeah, maybe he was not in the best place mentally and was sabotaging the team with his antics, blah blah blah, who cares. Basketball is about one thing and one thing only: getting BUCKETS. And that’s what Porter did tonight, and that’s what he’s going to do every night from here on out until he’s the Finals MVP, having defeated the Nets for the championship and Harden is sitting there adjusting his sports bra while crying.
*I FORGOT ABOUT CHRISTIAN WOOD, HOLD ON, FORGET EVERYTHING I SAID, CHRISTIAN WOOD IS THE FUTURE OF ROCKETS BASKETBALL, NEVER MIND ABOUT KPJ