https://youtu.be/QmcSIhFCsg4
I’m somewhat surprised that the Trailblazers record (before this) for rebounds was only 27. Yeah, the franchise didn’t have the advantage of being around back when dudes (actually just Wilt and Russell) were just grabbing 40 or 50 rebounds like it was no big deal, but only 27? Rebounds aren’t even that hard to get, and they were even easier to get in the past. Andre Drummond, who isn’t even good, has probably grabbed that many rebounds on many individual occasions against Portland. All you have to do is stand next to the basket and jump with your arms extended. Easy.
You’re telling me that Bill Walton, you know, the guy who was the MVP of the entire frickin’ league, never managed to grab 30? What was he doing out there? Smoking marijuana and complaining that his foot hurt? Who knows, I sure don’t, all I know is that he could’ve been way more active on the glass.
I just looked up who had the Blazers franchise record before this, and it’s kinda wild. You’re never gonna guess. Ever. I already told you it wasn’t Walton, so who are you thinking? LaMarcus Aldridge? Hassan Whiteside? Maybe Greg Oden during on of his rare healthy stints? No. It was…. Sidney Wicks! In 1975! He probably had funny hair.
There’s a reason his nickname (probably) was Widney Sicks. Because he was SICK at rebounding.
Other fun factoids: Walton actually had three 26-rebound games, Leroy Ellis (who) has one, and then Joel Pryzbilla, the Vanilla Gorilla, also managed it. Honestly, with a gun to my head, that’s who I would’ve guessed had the Blazers record. Just because Pryzbilla seems like the kind of dude who would randomly have a game where his hugeness and immobileness led to some sick amount of rebounds.
But all this is in the past. We’re in the future right now, and it’s a future where Enes Kanter grabbed 30 rebounds. This is not totally unexpected for him, because he’s one of the best rebounders in the league, but 30 is seriously a lot. Not a lot of dudes have grabbed 30 recently. Basically just Dwight Howard with the Hornets(?????) in 2018, Andrew Bynum back in 2012, and Kevin Love in 2010.
Kanter is in elite company here, and I’m gonna go out and say that this is a historic performance. So historic, in fact, that I wasted a whole TON of my time making sure each and every rebound was in this video. Watching rebounds is pretty much the lamest thing ever, but I knew, I KNEW, that if I promised 30 rebounds in the title, I’d have to deliver, or I’d never get another Patreon donation again. So here you go, you sickos. You PERVERTS. Enjoy these rebounds, and enjoy watching history unfold before your half-lidded, barely-comprehending eyes.