https://youtu.be/ye_58xNQEuc
This video ostensibly depicts Payton Pritchard, and I’ll get to him in a bit, but what I really want to say is that I’m super happy that Jabari Parker is back playing real minutes for a real team (insert Celtics joke here DON’T FORGET). I wish it would have been the Bucks that signed him, because I really wanted to see him and Giannis reunited, but just seeing him run around and dunk and stuff is good enough for now. But if I hear ANY Jabari slander from any Celtics fans, I’m going to drive over to Boston myself, kidnap Jabari, take him to Milwaukee, and swap him with Mamadi Diakite. Because only classy fanbases deserve a classy player like Jabari.
I can try as hard as I want, but I will never be as hyped for Peyton Pritchard as I will for Jabari. Even though Pritchard is way more similar to me and should be way more relatable. Can he even dunk? I can very much relate to not being able to dunk (all those plyometrics did FRICK ALL except destroy my knees even more than they were already destroyed), but not being able to dunk isn’t exactly something someone might get hyped over.
Though now that I’ve activated my vibe-receptors and am consciously receiving input from them (sometimes I forget to turn them on and then don’t even notice that Naz Reid is giving off Jeff Adrien vibes), I’m getting some serious Nate Wolters vibes from this dude, and if there’s one type of vibes that I like more than Jabari vibes, it’s Wolters vibes. Just a random lower pick who randomly performs kinda okay, while being white and savvy (probably).