https://youtu.be/TuDjDktThco
Sometimes, in the course of running my highlights empire, I stumble across things that I’m sure the NBA doesn’t want me to know about. I can’t help it, honestly. If I’m using my advanced knowledge of computer networks to infiltrate NBA servers in search of forbidden archives of game footage, and I happen to comb through treasure troves of unredacted confidential files, whose fault is that really? And if my finely-tuned powers of observation reveal things that are hidden to the average viewer, maybe the NBA shouldn’t try to be hiding things in plain sight.
It’s so obvious, folks. Ty Jerome is actually Alex Abrines in disguise. And it’s not even a very good disguise.
Abrines left the NBA back in early 2019 after struggling with some mental health issues. That’s the story, anyway. What really happened was Abrines saw his career wasn’t progressing as fast as he wished it would, so he thought he could “go back to Europe” and then, when nobody was paying attention, return to the NBA under an assumed name with none of the baggage of being a player who washed out of the league once before.
It’s working. Abrines, operating under the name “Ty Jerome”, is currently having his best season as a pro in the NBA. His stats this season are considerably more impressive than the stats from any of the seasons where he was playing under his real name. Not only that, but he’s also taken the bold step of listing himself as being four years younger than he actually is, so he can get more and longer NBA contracts. I call that “The Ol’ Ersan Ilyasova” trick. Smart thinking by Abrines there.
Hopefully Adam Silver doesn’t react too negatively to me divulging all the NBA’s most damaging and sordid secrets. I provide a valuable service to NBA fans and I’m sure he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me; the NBA as an organization stands to lose too much if I’m not regularly uploading scrublights.
I just noticed that a black van just pulled up outside of my place and somebody’s ringing my doorbell. I bet it’s that Amazon package that I’ve been waiting for! Yay!