https://youtu.be/TpIQcszIxuY
DTB’S OFFICIAL COMPREHENSIVE OFFSEASON WORKOUT PLAN FOR MOSES BROWN:
-Find out where the Clippers’ Daniel Oturu lives and gangstalk him. That’s basically what Brown was doing this game anyway. By my count, Brown blocked this dude five separate times, probably without even knowing who he is. Oturu himself might not know who he is anymore after getting soul-dominated by Brown’s length.
-Figure out how to convert on shots that aren’t dunks. Brown has no touch on layups and, somehow, even less touch than that on hook shots. Workout sessions with Hakeem might help, but they probably won’t. There’s no point teaching a guy fancy post moves and footwork if he can’t even successfully throw the ball into the basket when he’s standing right next to it.
-Start a muscle-building regimen. This will probably involve consuming uncomfortable amounts of calories in addition to the normal schedule of weightlifting. At least Brown usually remembers to eat food on most days, unlike his teammate Aleksej Pokusevski, who has to be reminded to consume nutrients on a regular basis and has more than once slipped into a malnutrition coma.
-Call up Hasheem Thabeet and ask him why he was such a bust. Real talk: why couldn’t Thabeet do the same things that Brown did this season? He didn’t even do half the things Brown does. That dude was a straight up bum. Remember when he was working on his NBA comeback last year? LOL (lots of laughs)
-Form a rap duo with Aleksej Pokusevski called “The Twinny Skinnies” and drop a dope mixtape
If Brown does all these things, he’ll be ready to dominate next season, and if he doesn’t dominate, at least he’ll have a music career to fall back on.