We can now add “makes game-winners regularly” to the list of reasons why John Collins should definitely be an All-Star this season. The full list of reasons can be found below:
-Makes game-winners regularly (or “clutch late-game shots”, which are different from game-winners; however, for the purposes of this list, they are the same thing)
-Is a top five forward in the East, and I’m not even joking right now, you think I’m joking right now huh, punk, huh? You want some of this? Huh? Huh? Didn’t think so bitch.
-Dominates teams who are missing their All-Star-caliber center
-Dunks hard and often
-Can hit threes, casual fans love threes
-Doesn’t play defense – perfect for the All-Star game where no defense is expected from him
-Gets to wear the best uniforms in the league; look at all those little triangles! And that neon yellow is swag af
-Refuses to sacrifice individual stats in favor of team success. I call that being “alpha”
-Has never caused locker room drama
-Is a 20/10 machine at the PF position despite not having much outside game, a rare breed in today’s league
-Forced Philadelphia to temporarily change the name of the city to Filtydelphia given how filthy his game-winning Dirkarooni was
That list is so compelling that even I, the person who compiled it, is compelled by it. I could read it over and over for hours and get more hyped each time, so I’d better stop.