Last time I made a Derrick Favors highlight video, he had seven assists, and they were actually all pretty good. I was honestly surprised by that, since Favors has never, at any point, ever had a reputation as a passer, except perhaps among the most homerific Jazz fans. So I entered this particular highlight-making excursion with enthusiasm.
That enthusiasm turned out to be misplaced because these assists aren’t great. Two of them are okay – one off a Favors offensive rebound that was pure hustle, and one off a Favors steal to an Ingles dunk – but overall, my hype glands dried up into prunes just watching this video.
To overcome my disappointment, I have invented five fake assists that, if they had happened, would have made for the most entertaining Derrick Favors highlight video in the history of Derrick Favors highlight videos:
Assist 1: Favors blocks Ayton at the rim, does a behind the back dribble, then hits Kyle Korver in stride for a three-pointer.
Assist 2: Favors dunks the ball, steals the inbound as his teammates are running back, and does a no-look flip behind his head to Rudy Gobert who catches the alley-oop for the mega stuff.
Assist 3: Favors receives the inbounds pass due to defensive pressure on Rubio, advances the ball himself, does a Shammgod at the three-point line which causes Dragan Bender to kiss the hardwood, then zips an off-hand pass to Ricky Rubio for the rimgrazer dunk.
Assist 4: Favors catches the ball at the top of the arc, fakes the three once to get Ayton flying, fakes the three again to get Bender flying, fakes the three a third time to hit Jimmer Fredette with the flyby, then hits a cutting Joe Ingles who does a 360 slam dunk.
Assist 5: Favors dips the ball in consecrated Gatorade while the refs aren’t looking, and when he says the sacred Latin words of resurrection, Dante Exum comes back from the dead and catches an alley-oop from the rafters while Favors does the Macarena at center-court.
Now, don’t you agree that the highlight video showing all those assists would be the most awesome video ever?