Instead of spending this description dissing Rockford, Illinois (the home town of Fred VanVleet) like I usually do whenever I have the chance, let’s talk about the good things that Rockford has to offer:
-They produced Fred VanVleet, who is really neato.
-Only a short drive from Wisconsin which is the best state in the union, and if you make that drive, it means in you’re in Wisconsin and not Illinois. And it really means that you’re not in Rockford.
-I think they have a waterpark.
-The musical act Cheap Trick is from there, and since music is a form of culture, that means that, at one point, Rockford wasn’t a total cultural wasteland.
-Apparently some sort of Japanese garden? I don’t know if I would trust anything purporting to be authentically Japanese in frickin’ Rockford, but whatever.
-VanVleet is really surprising me with his good play this year, did I mention he’s from Rockford?
-Drugs.
-Rhymes with “Cock Lord”.
Hey now, that’s a pretty good list! I went into this project thinking that I’d probably only be able to come up with three or four bulletpoints, but look at that. Eight. Eight good things about Rockford, the most authoritative work on the greatness of the Rockford metropoltian area since… ever?